


you are unbelievably stressed out right now!

by isurani



Category: Hiveswap, Homestuck
Genre: Gen, Inner Dialogue, Non-Graphic Violence, POV Second Person, fun times, is this what the cool kids called.....a sadstuck, there's also an oc troll that shows up to get murdered so You Know
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-05
Updated: 2017-10-05
Packaged: 2019-01-09 09:56:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12274041
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/isurani/pseuds/isurani
Summary: The day you learned that Xefros wasn't harmless was the day you learned that you weren't harmless, either.





	you are unbelievably stressed out right now!

**Author's Note:**

> so i meant to write something stupid and i wrote some angst shit instead. what the fuck me. take some sad kids okay

Your name is Joey Claire, and you’re waiting to go home.

Maybe you just had to wake up. After all, dreams didn’t make sense. This didn’t make sense. Nothing made sense anymore - especially not when you’re riding a sort of alien deercat with an alien half-asleep behind you.

The deercat shook its head, as if it heard your thoughts. Maybe it could. That wasn’t covered in the Big Book of Monsters. Which is currently stuffed in your captchalogue along with several other things, including your now partner in veterinary actions Byers.

Some of the stuff you have in there is all you have left of home. Of Earth. Of...your family.

Of Jude.

You shake your head, much like the deercat. The sun is setting, and while that will be good for your new friend Xefros Tritoh and his alien sleep schedule - as well as your skin. You really don’t want an alien sunburn - it won’t be good for the multitudes of trolls you will have to inevitably avoid. 

Thinking about sleep makes you yawn. But you can’t sleep now. It’s stay awake and ride through the day, then Xefros takes over and tries to pass through the dangerous areas without getting shot. Usually you just find somewhere abandoned to hunker down in and Xefros keeps watch.

Sometimes he stays awake through the day too. He’s terrified of looking at the sun, but it’s nice to have some company, even if they are incredibly scared of most things. Reasonably scared, considering this planet.

But last time he stayed awake he fell asleep with you, and had such a horrible nightmare you woke up to his cries. Someone else had heard them as well - a shadow. A shadow with a very bright rapier.

That was two nights ago. That was also the first time you ever really injured someone. Injury with a purpose. You’d honestly prefer to heal rather than hurt, but these trolls...they aren’t exactly wanting to listen to you.

Xefros had explained, after the whole thing, that the troll was a tealblood. Much higher up than him, he had said, and he had been taught his whole life that standing up to a higher class didn’t only mean disapproval - it could mean death.

Not just death from culling, he had said, downcast. Higher casts were stronger. They lived longer. It would be a death sentence to fight one of the highest casts.

When the mood fell into dismayed silence, he spoke up again. He was guaranteed to live as long as you, he said with a half-hearted smile, so at least there was that.

You wanted to argue with that. The fact that they were going to die together, either from culling or just naturally, was not an upside. But it was all you two had, so you kept your mouth shut.

You asked him if the Terrace or Tetris or whatever - if  _ Dammek _ had done anything like what he had just done. You kept looking at his cuebat, sparkling clean. 

Xefros first shook his head no. Then he thought.

He didn’t respond after that.

Since then, he had refused to sleep during his night watches. He didn’t even want to take shifts.

He kept his pristine bat close by.

You can do some sick tap dancing, and pirouette your way around danger, and even shine your flashlight to gain some semblance of control. 

But back with the teal troll, you hadn’t actually done much. With your tap shoes, you had kicked them in the gut. You had even thrown some magic spice mix in their face in an attempt to blind them. 

And yet, the troll hadn’t been fazed. They were stronger than you, Xefros had said, and he was right. The dog treat trick wasn’t going to work, and all you could do was hold your precious flashlight with two hands and hit them, again and again.

Then Xefros had woke up.

You hadn’t wanted to wake him. He was having a rough night as it was. But Xefros looked at the teal troll with wide, wild eyes and gripped his bat with one hand. 

His other hand clenched as the magic spice mix on the troll’s face suddenly slid into their eyes. 

You had backed up, looking down at your own hands as the troll collapsed to the ground, clawing at their eyes.

Xefros looked like he was in pain through it all, and it couldn’t have been more than five seconds before his hand unclenched and the spice ran down the troll’s face in rivets as they stood up.

You wouldn’t tell him this, but you were almost relieved. 

You were less relieved when he refused to let go of his bat.

Stars twinkle above your head. You had to wake up Xefros and go to sleep yourself.

God, you hoped you were going to reach his connection soon. The deercat could not be having any more fun than you - its paw was freshly treated, after all. Even with nightly check-ups, it couldn’t be doing great.

You had passed into another city, the outskirts filled with dirty subgrubs. That would work.

“Jude,” you said. The deercat looks up at the name you decided to call it. It made you feel less lonely. “Go to that boarded-up hive.”

It was good you had found one. With Xefros insisting you rode as much as possible before night fell, sometimes you had to sleep out in the open.

And by ‘sleep’, you meant lay awake and listen to Xefros mumble to himself. You would force him to sleep as well, but that just lead to more nightmares.

Xefros had said that Dammek had trained him to sleep anywhere, and he seemed pretty proud of it. You don’t think he remembers his nightmares.

As Jude the deercat slows to a stop, you turn and shake Xefros’ shoulder. Today had been a good day - you think he’s gotten a restful sleep.

“Xefros,” you mutter, as the twin Alternian moons begin to rise. “Xefros, wake up.”

Xefros mumbles something, but barely moves.

You don’t think he’s been sleeping recently. He’s been trying to move through the night, but usually the panicked running through the city limits bleeds into the daytime. That’s why you insisted to stay in a building tonight, so he would only have to keep watch.

You want to keep watch with him, but you can barely keep your eyes open.

“Xefros, come on.”

He attempts to roll over, falling straight off of Jude. That wakes him up. His yellow eyes snap open, and he pulls his bat out of his sylladex before you can awkwardly smile at him.

He breathes deeply, and gives you an uneasy smile in return.

You sit down next to him, forcing your eyes open. Jude lies down as well, practically asleep by the time it closes its eyes.

Xefros turns to you.

“You don’t have to stay. I mean, you can if you want to, but you should sleep, and…” It’s a rush of verbal backspacing, but you appreciate the thought.

“We’ll keep watch together.” You can go a night without sleeping. It won’t give you an easy day tomorrow, but it’d be nice just to talk with Xefros for a night.

Xefros nods, but still looks worried. He places his bat on his lap. You flick the switch on your flashlight, the beam of light shooting off into the distance.

“We’ll be there soon,” Xefros mumbles, most likely to himself. He’s probably as worn out as you are.

You sit in uncomfortable silence as you keep watch for any curious trolls. Or robots, at that rate. Both could kill you easily.

You take a breath, working up the courage to ask what you’ve been meaning to ask for the past two nights.

“What did you do to that troll?”

Xefros stiffens, not meeting your eyes directly.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to ruin anything, you were being attacked and Tetrarch Dammek…”

He kicks the ground. You put a hand on his shoulder, but he still doesn’t look up.

“Dammek did the same for me once. Someone came to my hive while we were practicing and I didn’t know what to do and....he saved me. I wanted to do the same for you but, uh, I guess it didn’t go well.”

You had put an arm in front of Xefros as he had held his head, knuckles pale as he gripped his bat. It was an attempt to protect him - protect your friend who had wanted to save you but couldn’t. You were the one who wanted to save him.

Xefros had pushed you out of the way. 

“But  _ what _ did you do? With your hand, and the spice mix, and everything…”

Xefros had been the one, with once-scared eyes that were now shrouded in shadow, to slam his bat against the troll’s arm with a sickening crunch. He had been the one to bludgeon them again and again as you looked at your own teal-stained flashlight that you had felt so guilty about.

The troll had fought back, of course, scrambling for their rapier and slashing at Xefros’ wrists, burgundy blood dripping to the ground.

It was darker than yours. That’s what you had noticed, in your own shock. His blood was darker than yours.

“It’s not very good. Uh, my telekinesis, I mean. That’s what that was. Most I can really do is bend a spoon. Sorry if you thought I was a good fighter. All I can really do is hit things - I play a lot of stickball.”

You had been the one to watch as Xefros stood up shakily, his forearms a mix of teal and red. And he had turned to you, and apologized. He had apologized for not waking up sooner, saying that he had probably lead them straight to you, and apologized again. You stood there, your flashlight dripping teal.

His nose had begun to bleed, burgundy running down his face and over his lips.

“It’s...it’s fine, Xefros. You wanted to help, and I don’t think I could have gotten out of that alone.” 

Xefros gives you an appreciative smile. 

You still feel sick.

“You should go to sleep. I mean, I know I would. If I hadn’t slept already. You know.”

You don’t move, your hands on your lap. They are definitely, absolutely not shaking. Not that anyone said they were.

“Are you okay, Joey? You’ve been...really down.”

You just look at Xefros. His eyes widen and he turns away, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Oh geez, I’m sorry. That was stupid, of course you’re not okay, you’ve been transported to a different planet, and we’ve got in a few fights and everything, and…”

“Why did you have to kill them?”

It slips out before you can stop yourself, and you clamp a hand over your mouth. But it’s too late. The words are out.

Xefros opens his mouth, and at first you think it’s to apologize. Instead, he gives a sad smile.

“You really...don’t know a lot about trolls, do you?” 

You shake your head no. No words are really coming to mind, so you keep your mouth shut like you should have just a few seconds ago.

“I told you how lowbloods can just be killed for any reason. Trolls are violent, Joey. The, uh, higher they are on the hemospectrum, the more violent they are. Er, Tetrarch Dammek could explain it better. He’s the one who taught me to fight. Fight well, I mean. All wrigglers need to know how to fight once they’re born, ‘cause you have to survive the trials to be chosen by a lusus. Mine just happened to not need any...fighting skills.”

“Oh,” you reply. You had been hoping, no matter how messed up this place was, it was slightly like Earth. It really wasn’t. 

“They were going to kill us, Joey. I’m sorry, I know it’s different on your planet, but…”

You were really, really far from home.

“Yeah, it’s different. No one can move stuff with their mind, you know?” Now it’s your turn to give a half-hearted smile, in an attempt to lift the pressure off your chest. You feel like you’re about to cry.

“Well, uh, all rustbloods have telekinesis. It’s pretty weak, you know, and mine’s kinda the weakest of them all. Practice makes almost adequate, right?” Xefros laughs, and you don’t meet his eyes. He looks down. “It’s all we have, y’know?”

You hear a sniffle. Didn’t you treat his nosebleed? You look up in concern and-

Xefros is crying. He obviously doesn’t want to show it, but there are dark red tears running down his face. It’s hard to miss.

You attempt to think of something to say, but you have nothing. This may be new to you, but Xefros has dealt with this his whole life. He’s just as old as you, and has the possibility of being killed on a regular basis.

“We’re both kind of fucked up, huh?”

Xefros looks at you, your own eyes watering. You had sworn to yourself that you wouldn’t cry, because you’re  _ fifteen _ now and can  _ handle  _ this, it’s just like going on a trip, a trip that could end in you being stranded or dying or-

You squeeze your eyes shut, hot tears running down your cheeks.

You’re so far from home. 

“Joey, I-”

You hug Xefros.

“I miss home,” you say, your voice muffled by Xefros’ shirt.

“I...me too.”

And for a while, you two sit there, red tears and transparent tears dropping onto the pavement.

You were both so far from home. But you could both be far from home  _ together _ .

You could be confused and lost and afraid  _ together _ , and maybe that was enough.


End file.
